Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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