Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I party with great urgency now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
