conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
