I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
