Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
