I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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