I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
