The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
