I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
you never un-have a 4some
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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