Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
