I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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