His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
