All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
