I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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