I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
