I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
