M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
