booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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