my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
