dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
