bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
