..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Hippo gnu deer
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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