Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
