We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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