I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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