It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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