new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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