i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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