Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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