i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
