well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
