a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
