i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She told me I should be a condom model.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
