i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Swine flu is the new snow day.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
