I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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