it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
