He uses pillows to masturbate.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
