She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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