apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
