But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
