ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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