I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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