You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
