She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
