He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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