saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
