And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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