Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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