Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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