And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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