Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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