you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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