u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
